I take back everything I told you
I don’t love you, I never did
I don’t feel safe with you, I don’t feel vulnerable yet completely free
I don’t want your arms to envelope me in unstinting care, the smell of you some kind of magic
Don’t want the warmth of
your body
each groove familiar
No laughter shared between us
No history no friendship
Not your high voltage smile
Not your voice at the nape of my neck begging to be caressed
It never was your kindness
or how you stopped my wildness
from turning inward
the flames self consuming
It was not the way you looked at me that night
Erotic nostalgia
It was not how we are together
the ease of skipped decades between two people who can blindly navigate the map of each other’s hearts

I burn it back
Extinguish your memory
But even as you’re gone, you leave traces in my present
The fire of us still a quiet crackle

Dubai, Feb 2019